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Pep talk

March 19, 2017


Back in 2011, I wrote a little pep-talk for Lily Tomlin as an opener for the live telecast on Foxtel. Kinda dorky but she did ask me to write a couple of jokes for her to say later in the telecast, so there’s that. She even ended up using one of them.

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In a few minutes, we’re going to walk, ride, skate, salsa and cha-cha-cha down Oxford Street in front of 250,000 people. And when we get out there I expect each and every one of you to do your duty.

I want to see the kinds of public displays of affection that can still get you arrested in over 70 countries … You have the right idea, sir.

I want to see lots of hogging the limelight and basking in your own glory.

I want to see girls being boys, and boys being girls, and people being whatever kind of people they damn well like. I want to see waxed eyebrows and hairy armpits, and bare asses winking at the moon.

I want sequins and glitter and feathers and faux fur – I want to feel like it’s raining craft supply stores out there.

But most of all I want you to ignore everything I just said because tonight’s about not caring what other people say!

Back in 1978, at the first Mardi Gras, 56 people were arrested just for standing up for their rights. The world’s a much brighter place now but there’s still a lot of dark corners where our sisters and brothers are facing violence and discrimination.

Which is why you need to you put away that bushel you’ve been hiding your light under and get ready to shine. The other 364 nights of the year might be their nights … but this is our night!

So ladies and gentlemen – I want you to give me an L! (RESPONSE) Give me a G! (RESPONSE) Give me a BLT! (RESPONSE) Are you ready to do this? (RESPONSE) I can’t hear you? (RESPONSE)

One Comment

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  1. June 20, 2017

    Lily Tomlin never asks me to write jokes for her.

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